6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
