the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
