Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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