no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize