u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
