My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
