I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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