I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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