I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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