I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
