STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
