I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
