Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
