She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
