dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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