Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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