The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
