do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
