Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
