I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
