i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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