She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
