I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
