She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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