I wish I could teleport
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
