New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
