Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
