Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
