Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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