do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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