"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
