So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Randomize
