watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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