I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
