Sponge bath it is.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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