Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
