ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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