i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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