Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
