His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
