Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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