I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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