see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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