I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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