watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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