Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
