im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
