I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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