if you like me you must not know who I am
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
