I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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