Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
