i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What a dumb baby whore.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
