worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
