fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
