Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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