Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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