I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
