Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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