im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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