He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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