; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
