69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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