I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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