I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
