Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize