Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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