i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
