Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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