someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
