i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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