he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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